


tomorrow's me (would be better off not existing)

by koifishthatwrites



Series: to fix what's broken [2]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Gen, How Do I Tag, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Saihara Shuichi/Oma Kokichi, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Killing Game Was A Virtual Reality Simulation (Dangan Ronpa), Oma Kokichi Needs a Hug, Oma Kokichi-centric, Ouma not Oma, Out of Character Oma Kokichi, POV Oma Kokichi, References to Depression, Regret, Sad, Sad Oma Kokichi, Suicidal Thoughts, but they dont have a line so they arent important, no beta we die like the sad idiots we are, once again tagging that just to be safe, smh i cant believe i forgot this one, so are her tags, the author is a fucking mess, you know what everyone is mentioned, your gonna have to squint reaaal hard if you wanna spot that tiny lil speck of saiouma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:42:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27737068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koifishthatwrites/pseuds/koifishthatwrites
Summary: He doesn’t fall asleep forever.As his consciousness fades back in, he feels his heart beating. That alone makes him want to scream.‘This is not it.’He isn’t supposed to wake up. He’s supposed to be asleep somewhere deep, deep underground to never see the light of day.He isn’t supposed to be laying on the same fucking bed and under the same fucking ceiling, still breathing. Alive.
Relationships: Gokuhara Gonta & Oma Kokichi, Oma Kokichi & DICE, Oma Kokichi & Everyone
Series: to fix what's broken [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2053170
Comments: 16
Kudos: 162





	tomorrow's me (would be better off not existing)

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: please read the tags even though they're a fucking mess
> 
> and yes the title is from ham's cover of world domination how to what of it
> 
> also why is kokichi/aesop a thing?? like im not judging i just wanna know

He doesn’t fall asleep forever.

As his consciousness fades back in, he feels his heart beating. That alone makes him want to scream.

_‘This is not it.’_

He isn’t supposed to wake up. He’s supposed to be asleep somewhere deep, deep underground to never see the light of day.

He isn’t supposed to be laying on the _same fucking bed_ and under the _same fucking ceiling_ , still breathing. Alive.

Slowly, he sits up, not caring of his surroundings.

Almost immediately, he winces. His ribs ached and it felt like his head was being bashed open by a hammer. He feels a bunch of bandages on his head and several other places.

An odd sense of Déjà vu fills him as a nurse scurries in, checking his vitals and frantically asking him questions.

He stays perfectly still, staring right through her and blatantly ignoring every question she threw at him.

After a minute or two of constant staring, he just lays back down, not sparing the nurse another thought.

Soon enough, her rambling questions faded into background noise.

His mind blessedly stays blank until she leaves but that’s when the thoughts start.

_‘How pathetic, you can’t even die right’_

_‘Your classmates are probably making fun of you’_

_‘They probably hate you even more lengthening their stay’_

_‘Why can’t you just die? No one will miss you. Gonta will get his wish of everyone being friends, Iruma-chan will be happy the one who killed her no longer breathed, Momota will probably make some remark on how ‘the little bastard had it coming’, Maki will definitely smile, Shumai—_

_(_ **_“You’re alone and you always will be”_ ** _)_

_Shumai will be happy._

Kokichi curls into a ball, tears already springing out.

His mouth twists into a sneer. ‘You’ve been awake for barely a few minutes and yet you’re already crying? Crybaby.’

Oh how he wishes to fall asleep forever.

* * *

Eventually, he falls into a dreamless slumber.

(Not forever as he so hopes.)

* * *

A doctor comes in the next day, disturbing him into waking up.

She starts asking him questions and he finds that he can’t put on his mask.

It’s broken, shattered into a million tiny pieces and the glue holding it together had already dried a long, long time ago. 

(He doesn’t answer any of her questions, even as she threatens to put a camera in his room. He doesn’t care.

He knows they would’ve done it anyway.)

* * *

They assign him a therapist.

A familiar feeling brews inside of him.

Frustration. Anger. Spite.

_‘Huh’_ He notes, vaguely surprised. He didn’t think he’d be capable of feeling anything beyond cold apathy and loneliness.

* * *

She tries to get him to talk, using different methods and techniques.

He stays silent out of pure spite.

* * *

The doctor acts on her promise to put a camera in his room.

He feels nothing but the same, cold emptiness as he stares into the camera.

* * *

No one still comes to visit him, even though it’s been a week since he woke.

He expected this.

He expected them to never want to see his face, even if he tried to commit suicide and almost succeeded.

So why does his chest keep hurting for their friendship, even after so long?

* * *

Vaguely, he thinks about D.I.C.E again.

What would they think if they saw him like this? Would that be sad? Sympathetic? Disappointed? Angry? 

A self-decapitating smile tugs at his chapped lips.

_‘Maybe they’d even put me to sleep if I ordered them to.’_

* * *

Soon enough, he starts losing count of the days that pass by and everything starts blending together again.

The feeling of monotone returns and this time, he welcomes it like an old friend.

* * *

Eventually, a routine forms.

The routine is lonely and boring, two things he absolutely hates. But nonetheless, everyday follows the routine. 

* * *

Until one day, something happens.

He’s sitting up when it happens. 

There’s commotion outside and then heavy footsteps towards his room.

The door swings open with much more force than his nurse could ever hope to have and suddenly he’s eye to eye with Momota Kaito.

The man hadn’t changed at all in the past few months, Kokichi notes dully, his eyes were still the same shade of purple, with all the annoying hotheadedness and irrationality.

Other emotions passed through Kaito’s eyes. At first, anger, then shock, then disbelief and then slowly incredulous.

A realization hits him that Kaito isn’t alone.

Almost every person in their class was staring at him with similar expressions.

Silence engulfs the room, as the two parties stare at each other. One with various degrees of incredulousness and the other with a dull, unnerving, unmoving.

“What the fuck?!” Kaito’s voice blooms in the otherwise completely silent room, making it even louder.

Ignoring the slight pang at his heart, Kokichi cocks his head to the side. Face betraying absolutely nothing.

“What the hell happened to you?!! You- Why don’t come out of this room?!” And with that, everything explodes.

Everyone continues to fire questions at him but none register as his empty gaze flits around the room to see who is present and who isn’t.

‘Momota-chan, Harukawa-chan unexpectedly, Shumai, Yumeno-chan, Tojou-chan, Hoshi-chan, Korekiyo, Angie-chan, Chabashira-chan, Akamatsu-chan, Amami-chan, Kiiboy, Iruma-chan—

Kokichi breath hitched.

Bronze eye that he sees in only nightmares now stare at him in worry.

_He isn’t worthy of that worry. He isn’t worthy of anyone’s worry._ Not him. Not a murderer like him who deserves nothing more than the death the game offered him.

His hands are clutching at the bed sheets as the dreary dread pools in his stomach until it’s clogging up his throat and the guilt crushes his windpipe like the hydraulic plate did.

Suddenly, it’s silent again and his knuckles are wet.

_‘Oh. I’m crying.’_ True genuine tears that are nothing like the crocodile tears.

His gaze doesn’t stray from Gonta who realizes he’s being stared at and looks even more worried, ~~_(he doesn't deserve that-)_~~

He doesn’t move, not when Shumai asks him if he’s okay, not when Momota-chan asks why he isn’t saying anything, not when Gonta tentatively moves forward and asks him why he keeps staring at him. He stays as still as a dead body.

He realizes what a mess he must look like right now. Messy purple hair that reaches just below his shoulders with loose bandages sprawled all over his head, skin as pale as the walls of the hospital, bags darker than black under his eyes and tears still cascading down his face.

He can’t himself to care as those bronze eyes get more and more worried.

Gonta takes another step and he’s not still anymore.

The next thing he knows, he’s muffling the sobs that threaten to escape as big, warm arms that used to carry him around for as long as he wished wrap around him so, so painstakingly gently.

He misses it. He misses the times he and Gonta went searching for bugs even though he hates them with a passion. He misses the slight smiles Toujou-chan used to throw his way every time he called her mom. He misses the brief talks with Amami-chan. He misses the warmth he felt when Shumai smiled his way. 

He misses it all so much.

“I—I’m…so—rry!” The words tumble out before he can stop them.

His, as unused as it is, voice is just barely above a whisper and yet it echoes through the room.

“I—m sor—ry! I’m...sorry! I’m sorry!” He keeps on apologizing even as Gonta tries to shush him by saying he might injure his throat.

“I— I’m sorr—y! I’m sorry I’m.. no—t d...ead! I-I’d be be-better off dead! I’d— b-be better off n-not e...existing!” He sobs, clutching at the fabric of Gonta’s hospital wear tight.

A long, long time ago, he'd have sneered in disgust at such a public display of emotion. Now, the mask was too broken to put on.

He doesn’t stop sobbing out incoherent apologies, uncaring of the shocked silent state his ex-classmates are in.

He doesn't stop until the syringe sinks into his skin once again.

Until he darkness enters his vision once again.

Until he falls asleep once again.

**Author's Note:**

> haha bet yall were expecting some comfort
> 
> i mean i might (emphasis on might) make another one with some floofy fluff but thatll atleast take me two weeks
> 
> also oof i hope this was good enough to live up to the first one
> 
> once again please let me know if i misses any tags


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